By Guest Blogger: Katie Kanda
Much has been written about breast cancer to help patients, families and friends; you can find answers to almost any questions you may have and support abounds. As with all of us new cancer patients, the first few minutes, days, weeks after your diagnosis become a harried daze of appointments, scheduling, waiting and planning. I, like many, was ready to fight the good fight and do what I needed to do to beat this. I had an expert medical team who prepared me very well for my medical journey of the next year. I often knew to the day what symptoms or effects may arise and how to handle it. With a small family of three, we did not feel we needed help and did not share my surgery and news with many beyond our immediate circles. I did not want to tell the world. We thought, “We got this.”
As we shared with more friends, co-workers and family, many asked how could they help and “Are you doing the sign-up thing?” We said, “No, we are fine”. Then, my son shared with one of his neighborhood buddies that his mom had cancer. News quickly spread and more people asked, “Are you doing the sign-up thing?” Again, we said, “No. We are okay.” I wanted to be the person helping, not receiving. One hot summer afternoon, the day I had my port put in, another mom called. They were a family we knew from baseball, Boy Scouts, soccer, etc. She had heard the news and wanted to reach out. She had a friend who went through the same ordeal and was very knowledgeable about the whole process. She again asked, “Are you doing the sign-up thing?” She said many people wanted to help. I said, “No, we’re good.” Then amazingly this calm mom with a quiet demeanor said quite forcibly, “If you don’t do it then I am going to set it up for you!!” She said, “You are going to need this and have to accept help”. We laughed since I am just as quiet as she. I reluctantly agreed to accept the help.
The community response was touching and overwhelming. We kept it small and limited the days and activities. All the emails, texts, etc. went through my husband. I could log in and look at the schedule, but otherwise it was out of my hands. This is just one the many ways people helped us on our journey and my recovery. The beauty of any sign-up system is that people want to help and it is an easy organized way to do it. It avoids the unscheduled drop off of meals by several in a day! You can also schedule it the way you want. You control it in the craziness of the cancer world you can’t control.
And, while it was still uncomfortable at times to accept the help, it was a blessing and very needed. Would we have survived without it? Yes. But, are we better for it? A resounding YES!!
Why? The most obvious is food, glorious food. The gift of a ready-made meal two days a week as we chose was such help. The food often came with notes, flowers, gifts for our son, and always with thought and care. Some meals had menus attached while others were beautifully packaged. Each and every one was a treat for both our bodies and minds.
The contact. The outpouring of support truly made a difference in my recovery. To have daily reminders of the people pulling for you makes a difference.
My family. The entire family needs support during this time. My husband and son benefited greatly from this process, too. My husband who was often trying to do it all got a well-deserved break. My son loved the meals and seeing people. He was the most disappointed when we stopped.
The lessons. There are many silver linings to this cancer ordeal, but I love the lessons it taught our son. While I wish he never had to go through it, he learned so much and will be a better person for it. He learned about compassion, kindness and generosity. While we have always helped others in need, this first-hand lesson was very powerful and you can see how he wants to help others now. That is priceless.
I guess the moral of the story is no matter how much you feel you got this, let those who want to help you say to you, “We got this.”
